“Love one another as I have loved you.” – John 15:12
My firstborn’s backpack swung into the car. Slumped down and defeated, she struggled for the strength to pull her seat belt on. This had become an ordinary end to the school day, and the lump in my throat swelled as the hurt visibly started to drip down her face.
“I told her that wasn’t a nice thing to say, Mom,” she reported back one day, “and she yelled at me!”
The two girls had come to a bridge that my daughter refused to cross. The friendship she held most dear became the first one she had to let go of. Back at home, I held my heartbroken tween in my arms, and I felt a tug on my heart: Release.
Worse than seeing my girl crushed to pieces was knowing that she had followed me there. For years, I had found a way to forgive every offense and unfair hurt from the other girl’s mother, but her behavior never changed in our friendship. I knew I had to do something for my sake and my daughter’s.
Love does not mean enabling harm. Forgiveness does not always mean reconciliation. Kindness does not mean silence.
What Does It Mean to Love One Another When Someone Hurts You?
To love one another as Jesus does is not to ignore sin or excuse harm, but to respond with truth, compassion, forgiveness, and courage. This is a story of how to love and receive love when human relationships are at their messiest. Loving one another does not mean pretending hurtful behavior is okay; it means asking Jesus for the courage to forgive, tell the truth, set wise boundaries, and keep our hearts from becoming bitter.
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“Like so many times in my life, Jesus met us there and led the way.”
Christ’s greatest command, “Love each other,” (John 15:17) became something I wrestled with. “Above all things, love.” (1 Peter 4:8). Sure, but how do we love the bullies in our lives?
Over the next year, I began to experience Jeremiah 29:13: “You will seek me and find me when you seek me with all of your heart.” Like so many times in my life, Jesus met us there and led the way. True to His word, “Ask and it will be given to you; seek and you will find; knock and the door will be opened to you.” (Matthew 7:7).
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Don’t Be Afraid to Address Hurt with Love
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” – John 14:27
The Bible clearly tells us not to be afraid. Matthew instructs us to go to each other when there is a problem. I had sought peace with my friend through direct conversations over the years, but the hurt was still affecting our relationship as well as our daughters’ relationship. Forgiveness was feeling much like our front door mat. I knew I had to find the strength and kindness to handle it Christ’s way, but I almost couldn’t see straight through my anger and fear.
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“…I could no longer bear the hurt our friendship was causing me.”
Praise music was playing in the background while I picked weeds, and my friend crept into my backyard to investigate my recent silence toward her. I explained that her daughter had sent mine home from school crying throughout the entire school year, and I could no longer bear the hurt our friendship was causing me. I needed to pull away from the excessive gossip in our daily conversations.
Our daughters could play at school and in group settings, but one-on-one playdates were over for now.
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“Only God can change hearts.”
There was no remorse for my daughter ending the school day in tears. No admission of guilt or promised change in behavior. We were expected to forgive and forget and move on, as if everything had always been this way, as if our hurt were our own fault.
It took courage to walk away from a friend I dearly loved and mentored over the years. Only God can change hearts. It was time to let go and let Him work.
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Separate Hurtful Behavior from a Person’s God-Given Worth
The command to love includes standing for righteousness. “I love you, but I cannot go there with you,” I told my friend. This explanation separates the behavior from the person’s identity. Society has a hard time doing that. It will label us by what we do or do not do. We are all created equally with exquisite care and purpose, but none of us is entitled to continue hurting others because “that’s just the way we are.”
When does forgiveness lead to reconciliation? When there is a change in behavior. “I’m sorry” is not a magic eraser.
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“We know we are to forgive, but…that is an extensive and sticky process most of the time.”
So often we take another’s bad behavior on our own shoulders. We know we are to forgive, but let’s be honest, that is an extensive and sticky process most of the time. Starting the process of forgiveness should absolutely be immediate, but we must allow time for God to heal and coach us through the road to reconciliation.
“She wants to know if she can play with me on the playground,” my daughter said the following school year, “I know I should do the right thing and include her, but I don’t want to play with her.”
“What don’t you like about her behavior?” I asked.
“She says mean things to and about people,” she answered.
“Pull her aside and inform her she may play, but not if she starts to say mean things about people,” I guided.
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“We are all loved by God.”
The girl might not like it, but she’ll be suffering the consequences of her own actions without a check on her behavior.
Separate the behavior from the person. We are all loved by God. And the ones doing the bullying need Love just as much as those left hurt in their wake. That doesn’t mean we excuse hurtful behavior. It means that we are called to model kindness, sometimes assertively.
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Choose to Get Better, Not Bitter
“Therefore, as God’s chosen people, holy and dearly loved, clothe yourselves with compassion, kindness, humility, gentleness and patience.” – Colossians 3:12 NIV
We are all placed, purposely. Love is a basic need in life. We likely won’t argue someone to Jesus, but we can be witnesses through our extravagant love for them. I believe it’s just as important to invest in a kid who is bullying as much as the kid who is being bullied.
Bullying is not a small issue. CDC describes bullying as a form of youth violence that causes harm, and national education data shows that about 19% of students ages 12–18 reported being bullied during school in 2021–22. But caring adults and courageous peers can make a difference. StopBullying.gov notes that bystanders can help by safely intervening, reporting harm, and supporting the person being bullied.
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“The most painful season in my daughter’s life led her straight into His arms.”
Even the most astute school staff cannot catch every instance of bullying or inappropriate behavior. Some kids are masters at behaving poorly, even under the watchful eye of an adult, but their peers see a different side of them. If we equip our kids, they can help keep each other in check.
God promises to use every ounce of our pain for good. The most painful season in my daughter’s life led her straight into His arms. She was baptized at our church as she healed and moved on, and in her testimony, she spoke about the hurt of being bullied by a best friend. “I know that following Jesus doesn’t make all of my problems go away, but He helps me get through it all,” she spoke bravely.
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“It takes courage to be kind, but it’s eternally worth it.”
We may not be able to prevent every hurt, but we can lessen the collateral damage by responding with kindness. I believe that’s one of God’s purposes for putting us in proximity to each other. It takes courage to be kind, but it’s eternally worth it.
Frequently Asked Questions about Loving One Another in Messy Relationships
- What does “love one another” mean in John 15:12?
John 15:12 calls believers to love others as Jesus has loved us. That kind of love is sacrificial, truthful, patient, courageous, and rooted in Christ rather than in convenience or emotion. - Does loving someone mean accepting bullying?
No. Christian love does not require accepting bullying or repeated harmful behavior. Love can forgive while also setting boundaries, speaking truth, and protecting those who are being hurt. - How can Christians respond to bullying?
Christians can respond to bullying by refusing to repay cruelty with cruelty, telling the truth about harmful behavior, seeking help when needed, protecting the vulnerable, and choosing kindness without enabling sin. - Is forgiveness the same as reconciliation?
No. Forgiveness releases the desire for revenge, but reconciliation requires repentance, changed behavior, trust-building, and safety. - How can I teach my child to be kind without becoming a doormat?
Teach your child that kindness includes courage. They can be respectful and compassionate while also saying, “That behavior is not okay,” walking away, getting help, and choosing safe friendships.
For Further Reading
Meg is a graduate of Ashland University. She is a writer, author, editor, and digital content creator. She stepped away from her job in Internet Marketing in 2008 to raise her daughters, which gave her passion for writing a chance to shine through her blog, Sunny&80… Life within the Love of Christ. Meg has served as a Children’s Worship Team Leader and Middle School Leader for her local church. She founded and led the Breakfast Club Bible Study for Tweens, has served as a Young Life Leader and Committee Member, and led Women’s Bible Study. She has also volunteered as a content creator for her local church, studied Bible/Ministerial Training through Global University, completed COMPEL PRO Writers Training, and is Ethically AI Certified. A contributing writer for Salem Web Network since 2016, Meg is now thrilled to be a part of the team at Salem Web Network. You can find her entire library of books on her Amazon Author Page.
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Originally published Monday, 10 August 2026.
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