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During my 25+ years helping singles, divorcees and widows with dating, I\u2019ve identified several traits that your date will definitely find unattractive. Are you aware of these potential habits you may be presenting? For most people, the answer is no. Maybe this quick guide will help and give you a good, long think.<\/p>\n
Of course, no one is perfect, nor should you strive to be. You should be you. But maybe you can do away with a couple bad habits that are a turn-off to others. We are always looking for self-improvement, and if you are wondering why first dates are not turning into second dates, please read on.<\/p>\n
No one likes Mr.\/Ms. Google. There is no chance you know everything, and that is where curiosity is a lovely trait.<\/p>\n
The other day I was in conversation with a client on a Zoom call. She mentioned something I\u2019d never heard before \u2013 and I asked her, point blank, what it was. French food being my favorite cuisine, she totally stumped me on this one.<\/p>\n
Why pretend to be a know-it-all? Vulnerability and genuine curiosity are assets. Plus, like me, you may learn something new and interesting!<\/p>\n
I notice this constantly. So does your date. It shows a lack of self-care and confidence. I am personally aware of this one as I was taller than all boys and girls in my 8th grade class and always slumped to appear shorter. Thank goodness my mom had the foresight to take me to a good chiropractor at a young age and correct my posture.<\/p>\n
Nowadays, our technology driven lifestyle is the usual culprit of a slumped posture, so make sure you keep your shoulders back, stand tall, and watch that neck. Exude confidence with your body language.<\/p>\n
We all know someone like this, who always wants to state their point. Could it be you? Instead of active listening and being in the present, are you thinking about what you want to say next? Let the other person finish, take a breath, then say what was on your mind.<\/p>\n
As a dating counselor, I wish I had a dollar for every time someone told me this after a date. Aren\u2019t you interested in knowing something about the person you\u2019re meeting? You don\u2019t want to share everything about yourself and not learn anything about the person in front of you, do you?<\/p>\n
If you\u2019re on the other end of the rope, I have a simple solution. Since they rarely give you a chance to speak, wait until the end of their sentence and say, \u201cWow, I feel like I know so much about you now. What would you like to know about me? Fire away with the questions. This usually stops them in their tracks and quite often a one-sided conversation suddenly becomes much more of an even dialogue.<\/p>\n
A huge part of dating is body language. I\u2019m not talking about a stare down, just looking at the person while they talk. Not fidgeting and looking around the room, not reaching for your phone, not looking down at your food the entire time. Eye contact is the first means of connection.<\/p>\n
I don\u2019t know a single client who reports back to me, saying, \u201cWow, was he\/she arrogant and it was a turn on.\u201d You know what arrogance is? It\u2019s someone who behaves in a proud, unpleasant way toward other people because they believe they are more important than others. In reality, arrogance is an insecurity.<\/p>\n
Perhaps rudeness is related to arrogance. Being 15 minutes late. Being demanding of the wait staff. Making negative comments about online dating. (Hey, you\u2019re both on it, right?). Being dismissive about the other\u2019s career, likes, hobbies, music.<\/p>\n
When you go on a date, put your phone away. Or, at the very least, turn off the ringer\/vibration and place it face down on the table. If an important call is coming in, tell your date upfront, and that\u2019s the only reason you have your phone out.<\/p>\n
Perhaps it\u2019s making sure your son got picked up from soccer practice. Or you are a doctor waiting for news on a patient that cannot wait an hour. But let them know upfront why your phone is on. It\u2019s just politeness and showing them that their time is valuable.<\/p>\n
This means inability to understand others. Impatience. Excessive criticism. Poor listening skills. Self-centeredness. Joking about someone\u2019s emotions or circumstances. To me, this is a huge red flag that needs a therapist.<\/p>\n
Maybe no one has ever taught you to use your \u201cinside voice.\u201d I\u2019ve actually seen this when I\u2019ve been out to lunch\/dinner and the adjacent tables are parties to the conversation at that one table. It\u2019s embarrassing to your date and inappropriate. If your friends have told you that you are a loud talker, I\u2019d think hard about this and practice downing the decibels.<\/p>\n
Ok, maybe you\u2019ve read through this list and see yourself in one, two, maybe three of them. Just be aware.<\/p>\n