\n<\/p>\n
Sometimes you won\u2019t see a red flag on the first date. Both parties are on their best behavior and the date is just great. But, by date 3, you can generally see if there are some issues that will be future date breakers. After over 25+ years as a dating coach providing online dating services, you\u2019d be surprised by what I see popping on dates 2 and 3.<\/p>\n
Here\u2019s a list of 10 to pay attention to:<\/p>\n
Darn it, it happens! You may have met the right man \u2013 but he just finished a long divorce or is recovering from being widowed. She may be the right woman \u2013 but she\u2019s stressed with a new job, caring for an ailing parent, or just had a major event in her life such as moving or a death. Six months in the future this person might be the \u201cone,\u201d but they are not the \u201cright one now.\u201d<\/p>\n
Haven\u2019t we all had that first date where we just clicked and made plans for a second date? Then\u2026 nothing. You don\u2019t hear from him for weeks; when you do, it\u2019s a lame excuse. Or you made plans for a game of tennis and an hour before, he cancels \u2013 with no reason. Consistency builds trust and trust builds a relationship.<\/p>\n
You\u2019re both attracted to each other \u2013 and all he does is talk, talk, talk. About himself. His work. His golf game. Asks you no questions. Let\u2019s say this occurred on Date #1. Date #2 begins in the same fashion. What would I advise? Graciously cut into the conversation with a \u201cWow, Michael, I feel like I know so much about you. Ok, so what would you like to know about me? Fire away.\u201d If he doesn\u2019t get the hint, adios.<\/p>\n
Oh, what fun is this! Major sign of negativity and who needs this? Whether he\u2019s venting about online dating (run), his son\u2019s college tuition and how the ex pays nothing, the ex, the weather \u2013 well, he is showing his true colors. Maybe he\u2019s having a bad day, you may think. Nope, that\u2019s just an excuse.<\/p>\n
Don\u2019t we all want positivity in our lives? If this is the beginning of a potential relationship, just imagine how much worse it will get. I don\u2019t care how good looking he (or she) is!<\/p>\n
There is no eye contact. He\u2019s playing with his cell phone. Looking around the room. Looking at his watch. Asking you to repeat a question. I could go on and on with this one.<\/p>\n
They are being evasive about basic questions like what they do professionally, family, where they live. Now, I don\u2019t mean you should be asking super personal questions like \u201cWhen did your last relationship end?\u201d or \u201cAre you looking for a long-term relationship?\u201d as those are inappropriate for the first couple of dates. I\u2019m thinking right now of some of my clients that are in long-term relationships \u2013 the first few dates were common interests, current events, travel, etc.<\/p>\n
Lara, a 62-year-old client of mine<\/a>, really liked Chris after the first two dates. But then he began texting constantly \u2013 every few hours. As an ER doc, it annoyed her. She asked him not to text during the day. You know his response? \u201cI miss you.\u201d Needy, I daresay, and she correctly moved on \u2013 and is dating happily a \u201cnormal\u201d texter!<\/p>\n One moment warm, the next they\u2019ve forgotten about you, seemingly.<\/p>\n Two facets to this one:<\/p>\n a. Great first date. Then endless texting and he\/she can\u2019t plan anything because of a bunch of insipid excuses \u2013 work\u2019s really busy, they have a seminar just that weekend, their friend is in town, they\u2019ll get back to you. This is not what you want \u2013 so don\u2019t put up with this. Move on.<\/p>\n b. It\u2019s the 2020s. To be fair, it\u2019s up to both people to come up with fun dating ideas. He might suggest bike riding \u2013 as my client Hunter did on his date on Saturday. They rode over 14 bridges in NYC and had a blast. His date suggested a trivia night this week. The worst? \u201cWhat would you like to do\u201d to be answered with \u201cOh, I\u2019m easy \u2013 you pick.\u201d<\/p>\n Rich man, poor man. Either way, boasting of how much you make, your toys, your 5-star vacations just makes you look insecure. On the other hand, \u201cI\u2019m underpaid,\u201d \u201cMy wife took all in the divorce,\u201d \u201cMy ex refuses to pay child support,\u201d etc. all are inappropriate and very good signals to move on<\/a>.<\/p>\n What are big red flags you noticed on the first three dates? What are some green flags on the first 3 dates that gave you comfort and confidence?<\/strong><\/p>\n<\/p><\/div>\nHot and Cold<\/h2>\n
Can\u2019t Plan Anything<\/h2>\n
Talks About Money<\/h2>\n
Let\u2019s Have a Conversation:<\/h2>\n