\n<\/p>\n
When people first get married, everything is great. You are passionately in love, and nothing can bring you down from the newlywed high that you’re on. What most people\u00a0<\/span>don’t<\/span>\u00a0understand at the beginning is that marriage takes work.<\/span><\/p>\n You will go through difficulties; times when you aren’t as enchanted with each other as you used to be, and times when things are going really<\/span>\u00a0well.\u00a0<\/span>This<\/span>\u00a0is the natural ebb and flow of life. No one’s marriage is perfect.\u00a0<\/span>However, it’s when you can’t get back to a place of connecting\u00a0<\/span>with each other<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>that there<\/span>\u00a0is a problem.<\/span>\u00a0But how do you know when it’s too late to save your marriage?<\/span><\/p>\n Every couple experiences times when they are more affectionate and intimate with each other than others. Things like kids, jobs, and other life pressures can often affect this. However, when there is a total lack of affection or intimacy, there is a problem, and it may be helpful to seek professional help.<\/span><\/p>\n Sometimes, couples go through periods where they have trouble communicating. One person may have a firm opinion about something, and the other party may disagree. Maybe they disagree on\u00a0<\/span>a\u00a0<\/span>certain<\/span>\u00a0way to parent<\/span>\u00a0their kids, or one party may want to go away for the weekend with friends, and the other disapproves.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>They\u00a0<\/span>simply<\/span>\u00a0can’t agree.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Other times, a partner is simply<\/span>\u00a0silent about what’s bothering them and doesn’t talk about it until it festers and becomes a big blowup. Sometimes, the emotional damage is too much to repair.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n People in relationships\u00a0go through different things, both as a couple and as individuals. Depending on what it is, the other party may respond in a way that’s unexpected.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Rebuilding trust can be very difficult when infidelity or deceit has eroded it. When a couple doesn’t respect each other, that is a good sign that a marriage is on its way to the end. A lack of sympathy in situations also indicates that something serious is going on. Marriages thrive on trust and respect, and without them, they can’t thrive<\/span>.<\/span><\/p>\n Photo credit: \u00a9GettyImages\/PeopleImages<\/span><\/p>\n People grow and evolve as they get older. You and your partner won’t stay the same as when you first married. This<\/span>\u00a0can be<\/span>\u00a0a\u00a0<\/span>positive\u00a0<\/span>thing<\/span>\u00a0if people are maturing, especially if you get married young.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Still, growing and evolving can be\u00a0a\u00a0<\/span>bad\u00a0<\/span>thing<\/span>, especially if you\u00a0<\/span>find you and your partner<\/span>\u00a0growing apart.<\/span>\u00a0If you spend more time alone doing things\u00a0<\/span>by yourself<\/span>\u00a0or that new interests cause you to spend more time with friends than you do together, your marriage is in danger.<\/span><\/p>\n Being able to talk through problems is a big deal. When all you do is fight rather than sit down and have a rational conversation about your problems, it’s a sign that your marriage may not be salvageable.<\/span><\/p>\n On the opposite side of this equation, if you can talk through<\/span>\u00a0your problems but not find a resolution when the conflict is over, this is also a red flag.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n In order to\u00a0find\u00a0<\/span>resolutions to conflict<\/span>, both parties need to listen and offer solutions. If you can’t both offer solutions and find a resolution, chances are your marriage is over. If you discuss resolutions and one partner says they will commit to doing better but\u00a0<\/span>doesn’t<\/span>\u00a0change, things will not improve.<\/span><\/p>\n If you do anything you can to avoid your partner, this is a sign that it may be too late to save your marriage. When you go out with friends as much as you can, spend time away from your partner in the same house, or do anything else to avoid talking to or being around them, there’s a problem.<\/span><\/p>\n This\u00a0also goes for avoiding problems that need to\u00a0<\/span>be addressed<\/span>.\u00a0<\/span>Either party wants to work on fixing things, and the other doesn’t, or both parties\u00a0<\/span>simply<\/span>\u00a0avoid the issues.<\/span><\/p>\n Sometimes problems<\/span>\u00a0can fester so long\u00a0<\/span>you<\/span>\u00a0resent your partner.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>Things they aren’t doing,\u00a0<\/span>that<\/span>\u00a0your needs\u00a0<\/span>aren’t\u00a0<\/span>being<\/span>\u00a0met<\/span>, or that when you talk about things<\/span>, nothing changes<\/span>.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n This\u00a0can lead you to\u00a0<\/span>feeling<\/span>\u00a0lonely and like no one understands. These feelings can lead to addictions, physical affairs, and emotional affairs. These feelings\u00a0<\/span>clearly<\/span>\u00a0indicate that\u00a0<\/span>your marriage may not be saved<\/span>.<\/span><\/p>\n One of the most important<\/span>\u00a0things in a relationship is the ability to be yourself.\u00a0<\/span>This<\/span>\u00a0means every facet of you, from the good to the bad to all the quirks\u00a0<\/span>in between<\/span>. When you feel you can’t fully be yourself or be yourself safely, it’s a good sign that\u00a0<\/span>your marriage may not be saved<\/span>.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n When you first got together, you shared everything from how your day went to your goals and dreams. If you find yourselves not asking each other about your daily lives, sharing your feelings, or talking about your aspirations for the future, there is some serious emotional<\/span>\u00a0detachment going on.<\/span><\/span><\/p>\n Photo credit: \u00a9GettyImages\/Giuseppe Lombard<\/span><\/strong><\/p>\n These are signs it’s too late to save your marriage, but what if both of you still want to try? What are some next steps?<\/span><\/p>\n Start with professional help.<\/span><\/strong>\u00a0Even if you want to move heaven and earth to save your marriage, you can’t do it alone. Enlisting professional help and attending sessions together and separately is a great way to rebuild your marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n Commit to communication<\/span><\/strong>.\u00a0<\/span>We can’t have any\u00a0<\/span>kind of<\/span>\u00a0successful relationship if we can’t communicate.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>This<\/span>\u00a0applies to friendships, relationships with bosses and coworkers, and\u00a0<\/span>especially<\/span>\u00a0marriages. You and your partner need to commit to having open, honest communication where you will be open and honest and hear each other out.\u00a0<\/span>This<\/span>\u00a0makes a way for healing and understanding.<\/span><\/p>\n Commit to mutual growth.<\/span><\/strong>\u00a0Both parties must commit to growing together and learning from their mistakes.<\/span><\/p>\n Set clear goals<\/strong>. Sit down and discuss some goals for your future and your relationship. Then, narrow it down so that those goals are crystal clear to both of you and you both know where you’re headed. Next, write down some steps to help achieve those goals, and celebrate your progress when you hit them.<\/p>\n Be empathetic to each other.<\/span><\/strong>\u00a0<\/span>Attempt to see each other’s perspective\u00a0<\/span>and be empathetic to each other<\/span>.<\/span>\u00a0<\/span>This<\/span>\u00a0will get you on the right track for healing old wounds and bridging gaps.<\/span><\/p>\n Spend quality time together.\u00a0<\/span><\/strong>Make it a point to engage in activities you used to love to do together. Browse a bookstore,\u00a0<\/span>go on a<\/span>\u00a0hike, attend a concert, see a movie, go for a walk, etc.<\/span><\/p>\n Check-in regularly.<\/strong>As you go through therapy and rebuild your marriage, have regular check-ins with each other to discuss your progress and what needs attention.<\/span><\/p>\n Bring the change you want.<\/strong> If you want your partner to be more open in communication, do that. If you want them to be more honest about their feelings, be so about yours. Want more date nights? Plan one. Instead of telling them about the change you want, be proactive and show them.<\/p>\n Hug.<\/span><\/strong>\u00a0<\/span>This<\/span>\u00a0sounds like the\u00a0<\/span>most simple<\/span>\u00a0thing in the world, but hugs can make a\u00a0<\/span>world of<\/span>\u00a0difference.<\/span>\u00a0When you hug your partner, you get bursts\u00a0<\/span>of serotonin and dopamine, happiness hormones<\/span>\u00a0that make you feel closer to your partner. But don’t just hug for three seconds; a full seven minutes will help you get the best results.<\/span><\/p>\n Photo credit: \u00a9GettyImages\/gorodenkoff<\/span><\/p>\n Pray.<\/span><\/strong>\u00a0You got married because you felt God brought you together. Pray and ask him to help you rebuild your relationship and re-solidify your marriage. Even when things look hopeless, God can do anything.<\/span><\/p>\n Do something different.\u00a0<\/strong>When you were first together, everything was exciting and new. So take a trip together, hike somewhere you haven’t been before, or take a class together. It doesn’t have to be something big. Have a picnic in the living room and watch a movie. Sleep on the opposite side of the bed than you usually do. Go to dinner with friends. Anything that will shake up your routine.<\/p>\n Revisit your dreams.<\/span><\/strong>\u00a0Sit down together and talk about\u00a0<\/span>the dreams you had<\/span>\u00a0when you were younger compared to now. Revamp those dreams if needed and make a dream board to visualize what you want and where you’re going. Then sit down and write out specific action steps to make those goals happen.p^p<\/span><\/p>\n When issues are neglected,<\/span>\u00a0and people grow apart, marriage can become<\/span>\u00a0a\u00a0<\/span>fragile\u00a0<\/span>thing<\/span>.<\/span>\u00a0Even though the reasons above show that it’s too late to save a marriage, it doesn’t have to be this way. When both parties will work on it and seek God’s help, they can restore the marriage.<\/span><\/p>\n Has your marriage ever come back from the verge of separation? What signs do you think signify it’s too late to save the relationship? Join the discussion on <\/strong><\/span>Crosswalk Forums<\/strong><\/span><\/a>.<\/strong><\/span>Lack of Affection\/Intimacy<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Communication Issues<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Lack of Sympathy\/Respect\/Trust<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Growing Apart<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Not Being Able to Talk through Problems<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Not Being Able to Find Resolution Post-Conflict<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n
Avoidance<\/strong><\/h2>\n
Feelings of Loneliness or Resentment<\/span><\/strong><\/h2>\n
Feeling like You Can’t Be Yourself<\/strong><\/h2>\n
No Emotional Connection<\/strong><\/h2>\n
What if Both Parties Think It’s Worth Saving?<\/strong><\/h2>\n
<\/strong><\/p>\n