{"id":12393,"date":"2024-08-21T20:20:52","date_gmt":"2024-08-21T20:20:52","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/topat10.com\/?p=12393"},"modified":"2024-08-21T20:20:52","modified_gmt":"2024-08-21T20:20:52","slug":"the-no-1-thing-jeopardizing-your-relationship-according-to-the-couples-therapy-therapist","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/topat10.com\/?p=12393","title":{"rendered":"The No.1 thing jeopardizing your relationship, according to the \u2018Couples Therapy\u2019 therapist"},"content":{"rendered":"\n
\n

Dr. Orna Guralnik<\/a> has a front-row seat to couples\u2019 most pressing challenges\u2014both as a clinical psychologist in New York City and the therapist featured in the popular docuseries Couples Therapy,<\/a><\/em> where she coaches partners through communication blunders, unaddressed childhood traumas, and sexual disconnection in real time.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\n

She\u2019s been praised<\/a> for her \u201cability to perceive the undercurrents between [couples] and her acumen in guiding them toward embracing new narratives about themselves and their relationships.\u201d And since the show\u2019s debut in 2019, Guralnik has gotten countless emails from people worldwide, asking for her take on the essential foundations of successful relationships, she tells Fortune<\/em>.<\/p>\n

What she often says is that, in a world progressively fueled by a drive to protect oneself, people tend to undermine the power of working with and learning from their partners. And her takeaway about what couples need to do more can be boiled down to asking one critical question more frequently.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cGo into a conversation thinking, what can I learn about my partner?<\/em>\u201d Guralnik, recently named the chief clinical officer of OurRitual<\/a>, a relationship therapy platform, tells Fortune<\/em>. \u201cThere\u2019s too much emphasis nowadays on a kind of solipsistic, self-absorbed way of approaching the world. We see that between couples. My attitude is, it\u2019s exactly the opposite thing we need. We need to listen better, not argue better for our own needs.\u201d<\/p>\n

People are often preoccupied with trying to convince their partner of their perspective, feelings, or interpretation of an event. And while feeling understood is important, Guralnik says, getting your point across is, to be blunt, \u201cnot the most important thing in the world.\u201d<\/p>\n

In turn, forgoing the sole intention of feeling validated at all costs encourages both parties to listen and understand each other better. \u201cWhen people are utterly invested in convincing their partner or asking their partner to understand them, if that\u2019s their sole focus, it\u2019s not going to go well,\u201d she says. \u201cIf people can invest real energy in trying to understand their partner more than trying to convince their partner to understand them, it\u2019s a game changer.\u201d\u00a0<\/p>\n

That makes sense, as successful conversations in relationships <\/a>are fostered when both partners lean in, meaning they are eager to learn about each other and are invested in what the other person has to say. Researchers at the Gottman Institute, which has studied tens of thousands of couples for decades, say an inability to turn toward your partner <\/a>and be inquisitive when they express an interest or need is a heavy prediction of divorce. \u201cCreate an environment where there\u2019s room for both people,\u201d Guralnik says.\u00a0<\/p>\n

On that note, it\u2019s important to realize that crafting your response before the other person is done talking is one way to get into the spiral of only communicating to feel validated about your point of view. The goal can instead be to learn and grow together.\u00a0<\/p>\n

\u201cNothing\u2019s going to happen to you if you pay attention to someone else. You\u2019re not going to disappear. You\u2019re not going to be rolled over,\u201d Guralnik says. \u201cYou can always go back to yourself. Surprise yourself and challenge yourself to care about something new.\u201d<\/p>\n

More on marriage and relationships:<\/p>\n<\/div>\n

\n

Subscribe to Well Adjusted, our newsletter full of simple strategies to work smarter and live better, from the Fortune Well team.\u00a0Sign up<\/a>\u00a0for free today.<\/p>\n<\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

Dr. Orna Guralnik has a front-row seat to couples\u2019 most pressing challenges\u2014both as a clinical psychologist in New York City and the therapist featured in the popular docuseries Couples Therapy, where she coaches partners through communication blunders, unaddressed childhood traumas, and sexual disconnection in real time.\u00a0 She\u2019s been praised for her \u201cability to perceive the […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":344,"featured_media":12394,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_uag_custom_page_level_css":"","_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":""},"categories":[123],"tags":[],"class_list":["post-12393","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","has-post-thumbnail","hentry","category-business"],"yoast_head":"\nThe No.1 thing jeopardizing your relationship, according to the \u2018Couples Therapy\u2019 therapist | Unlock Informed Choices with Us<\/title>\n<meta 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